Wrestle Wars: A New Hope
by twstofate
Summary: Yes, it's a take-off on "Star Wars". It's explained much better in the first chapter.
1. One

Okay, I honestly have no idea if someone has already done this or they are already doing this or anything, but I feel like doing this. So here is my "Star Wars"/wrestling crossover. So I'm caught up in the fever if you couldn't tell. Just as a warning, this will not contain everything in every single episode, certain parts will be left out, other parts will be changed. I think it will be fun though. I'm going to go ahead and start with Episode IV because that's where Lucas started. Reviews (even criticism, especially constructive criticism) are welcome and greatly appreciated. Finally, this is for fun. If you don't like "Star Wars," you probably won't like this either. Also, there are people who really know how to write stuff like this and if you like this I would strongly suggest that you read "WrestleTrek" by ElekraWWF…it is simply amazing.  
  
On to disclaimers…two of them. The basic plot lines for this were conceived by George Lucas. All of that belongs to him and I'm not making any money here, just showing my appreciation for the saga he has constructed. The people playing the roles conceived by Lucas are owned by themselves (maybe they sold their souls to Vince McMahon). There will be some trademarked property mentioned in the series. They belong to Vince McMahon and the WWE.  
  
And since I'm changing names and stuff…certain things might not be easy to figure out so I'll give you a cast of characters:  
  
Luke Skywalker-Shane McMahon (Shane Skywalker)  
  
Darth Vader-The Undertaker (Darth Taker)  
  
Princess Leia-Stephanie McMahon (Princess Stephanie)  
  
Han Solo-Chris Jericho (Han Jericho)  
  
Obi Wan Kenobi/Old Ben Kenobi-Matt Hardy (Hardy Matt Kenobi/Old Matt Kenobi)  
  
Chewbacca-Chris Benoit (Beniwacca)  
  
See Threepio-Christian (Christianpio)  
  
Artoo Detoo-Edge (Edge Detoo)  
  
Uncle Owen-Kurt Angle (Kurt Lars)  
  
Aunt Beru-Molly Holly (Molly Lars)  
  
That's all you need for now. Enjoy!  
  
On to the story…  
  
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…  
  
Wrestle Wars: Episode IV- A New Hope  
  
It is a period of civil war. Federation spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Ministry Empire.  
  
During the battle, Federation spies managed to steal plans to the Ministry's ultimate weapon, the ECW, an armored apace station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.  
  
Pursued by the Ministry's sinister agents, Princess Stephanie races home on her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore order to the galaxy… 


	2. Two

A gold, bipedal droid scurried down the corridor of the starship as fast as his legs would carry him. "Would you keep up Edge?"  
  
A small little robot, gliding along just behind the gold droid chirped in a language only understood by his companion.  
  
"I know this reeks of heinousity," Christianpio said. "Which is why we need to hurry."  
  
The other droid stopped and beeped loudly and rocked back and forth. Christianpio turned around to look at his counterpart, Edge Detoo. "What? What mission?"  
  
Suddenly a burst of red streaked by Christianpio's head. "We're going to die!"  
  
Edge Detoo continued to rock and he turned around and headed toward the back of the ship. "Where are you going? We're supposed to go to the bridge!" Christianpio shrieked.  
  
Edge Detoo simply beeped a few more times. Christianpio threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "I simply do not understand you!"  
  
Christianpio nevertheless followed his little friend away from the bridge.  
  
*  
  
Several MinistryTroopers stepped back as the menacing Darth Taker stepped onto the starship. "Where are the plans?"  
  
"We don't know Lord Taker," a general said, trying not to shift nervously from foot to foot.  
  
"Do I need to teach you about respect General?" Taker asked, his breath sounding loud as it filtered through his black helmet that covered his entire head.  
  
"No, no Lord Taker," the man said, knowing he should not sound so nervous. "Here's the captain of the ship."  
  
Taker turned toward the man who was pushed towards him. "Where are the plans captain?"  
  
"There are no plans," the captain of the Federation starship said. "I don't know what you are talking about."  
  
"I don't believe you," Taker said, lifting his hand. The captain suddenly had trouble breathing.  
  
"A complete survey of the ship shows that the plans aren't stored in the computers," a young Ministry officer said to Lord Taker.  
  
"Is that so?" Taker asked the captain. "Who has those plans? I know they are somewhere on this ship."  
  
"There are no-" the captain stopped speaking as he suffocated. Taker twisted his hand and the captain's neck was broken as he fell to the floor.  
  
"Find those plans," Darth Taker ordered.  
  
*  
  
"Why are you getting into the escape pod?" Christianpio asked Edge Detoo. "You know those are for human use only!"  
  
The unit beeped at Christianpio, urging him into the pod.  
  
"I don't know why I ever listen to you," Christianpio sighed as he crawled into the pod.  
  
*  
  
"Sir, an escape pod was just launched," an ensign said to his captain. "But a scan showed no signs of life."  
  
The captain thought for a moment. "Don't waste your fire. It was probably just a malfunction. You know how ridiculously faulty these Federation starships are."  
  
"Yes Sir," the ensign said, nodding as he looked back at the control board.  
  
*  
  
"There's one," a MinistryTrooper said, spotting a young woman in a flowing white gown. She looked at them innocently. "Set your guns to stun."  
  
The group of three Troopers advanced slowly toward the woman. She revealed her own gun and shot down one of the officers. She very nearly shot another one before she was hit by the rays from a stun gun.  
  
*  
  
"If it isn't the little Princess?" Taker asked when Princess Stephanie was brought before him.  
  
"Darth Taker," Stephanie said, in a voice filled with contempt. "I should have known it would be you."  
  
"Where are the plans Princess Stephanie?" Taker asked.  
  
"What plans?" Stephanie asked. "This is a diplomatic mission."  
  
"We know you received plans from Federation spies," Taker said. "You can make this easy by simply telling us where they are."  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about Taker," Stephanie said, refusing to divulge any information that could harm her cause.  
  
"Take her back to the ECW," Taker said to one of his officers. "We will tear apart this ship until we find those plans." 


	3. Three

On the desert planet of Canatooine…  
  
"Edge Detoo, where are you going?" Christianpio asked his counterpart as he started rolling a new directions. "My life scans show that there are significant amounts of life in this direction!"  
  
The little unit started beeping and continued on its way.  
  
"I don't want to hear about you're totally bogus mission anymore," Christianpio said. "I'm heading toward people."  
  
Edge Detoo beeped sadly, nevertheless continuing on his way. Christianpio turned for a moment, dismayed to see the unit still going in the opposite direction. "Well, you'll regret it when you end up ripped into tiny little pieces."  
  
*  
  
"What do you mean an escape pod was released?" Darth Taker asked the captain standing right in front of him.  
  
"It landed on Canatooine," the captain said, unconsciously shying away from the seven-foot man in front of him.  
  
"Damn you all," Taker said. "You should all be reported to the emperor."  
  
"I'm sorry sir," the captain said.  
  
"Well you should be," Taker said. "Get a shuttle ready and a small battalion of MinistryTroopers ready to go see if there was anything in the pod."  
  
"But Lord Taker, there were no signs of life on the pod," the captain said.  
  
Taker looked at the captain. His voice filled with disgust, he said, "Have you ever heard of droids you damn fool?"  
  
The captain looked down at his feet, feeling ashamed. "Sorry sir."  
  
*  
  
Edge Detoo rolled along, whistling to keep himself company. He surveyed the canyon he was about to enter, knowing in his microchip that he wasn't safe.  
  
He shrieked out in shock as he was attacked from behind.  
  
*  
  
"Well I never," Christianpio said as he was herded into the huge monstrosity that the little ring traders seemed to think was transportation.  
  
One of the ring traders prodded Christianpio with an electric prod and Christianpio quickly scurried up the ramp, only to run into a smaller droid. He looked down and exclaimed, "Edge Detoo?"  
  
The little machine let out a series of beeps. "Oh I think it reeks of awesomeness too Edge!"  
  
The machine let out another series of beeps. "I don't know where we're going. Hopefully somewhere where they will let me get myself clean. I know all of this sand totally scrapes the bottom of the barrel of sucktitude."  
  
*  
  
"There were droids in here sir," a MinistryTrooper said, looking up at Lord Taker.  
  
"Tell me something I didn't already sense," Taker said. "Well, where did the droids go to?"  
  
"Their paths split here," another Trooper yelled from a distance away.  
  
"Okay, you all go that way," Taker said as he hopped onto a hog-speeder. "I'll follow the other tracks.  
  
*  
  
"Shane!" a pretty blond woman called after the young man with short brown hair that had just left the shelter of his home.  
  
"Yeah Aunt Molly?" Shane asked, turning back to the woman who had raised him as a her own son.  
  
"Remind Uncle Kurt that we need a droid that speaks airheadish," Molly said.  
  
"Okay," Shane said, nodding as he jogged over to where his uncle was negotiating with a ring trader.  
  
"How does that gold one look?" Kurt asked his nephew. He trusted Shane to make decisions, he just seemed to have a way of always making good ones.  
  
"Fine," Shane said, "does he speak airheadish?"  
  
"I most certainly do," Christianpio answered quickly. The little house didn't look so bad. It wasn't some of the palaces he had been to as a diplomatic droid, but it looked quiet, which would be nice. "I speak over 6 million different kinds of gibberish."  
  
"He'll do," Shane called over to Kurt.  
  
"Great," Kurt said. He turned back towards the trader. "We'll take that one and the red one. Shane, can you go get those cleaned up?"  
  
"I was going to go into Cheap Popcity and buy some parts for my speeder!" Shane protested.  
  
"You can work on your speeder any day Shane," Kurt said. "The droids need to be cleaned and I still need to finish out the storeroom."  
  
"Fine," Shane muttered. He looked disdainfully at the droids. "Come on."  
  
Christianpio and the red droid started following Shane toward the house when the red unit started to short-circuit. "Uncle Kurt! This droid is a piece of junk!"  
  
"Hey!" Kurt exclaimed. "Are you guys trying to cheat us?"  
  
"No, no!" the trader exclaimed. "Pick another one!"  
  
"Okay," Kurt said.  
  
"I've worked with that blue one before," Christianpio said to Shane. "He's a competent little reekazoid."  
  
"Okay," Shane said. "Uncle Kurt, how about the blue one?"  
  
"That's fine," Kurt said.  
  
Edge Detoo beeped gratefully to Christianpio as they followed Shane back to the workstation in the Lars' home. "Well, it's the last time I ever save your ass," Christianpio said, secretly glad he was able to help his friend.  
  
*  
  
"So, how's life on Canatooine?" Christianpio asked as he was dipped into a simmering vat of oil. "That feels so wonderful!"  
  
"Canatooine is about as boring as boring can get," Shane said, trying to scale some of the grime off of Edge Detoo. "Something is stuck on this little droid."  
  
Suddenly a beam of light streamed out of the droid and Shane jumped back in shock. In the beam of light he saw a beautiful woman, adorned in white. "She's gorgeous."  
  
"Who is she Edge?" Christianpio asked.  
  
"Yeah, she's saying something," Shane said. "Can you turn up the volume Edge Detoo."  
  
The little droid complied and the woman in the beam said, "Help me Hardy Matt Kenobi, you're our only hope."  
  
"Is there more?" Shane asked.  
  
Edge beeped and Christianpio groaned. "He says that he is the property of some reekazoid named Hardy Matt Kenobi. And the rest of the message can only be heard by him."  
  
"Hardy Matt Kenobi?" Shane asked. "I wonder if he means Old Matt Kenobi."  
  
"Whom Master Skywalker?" Christianpio asked.  
  
"It's Shane," Shane said.  
  
"Okay Master Shane," Christiapio said.  
  
"No, no," Shane chuckled. "Just Shane."  
  
"Well, okay," Christianpio said.  
  
"Old Matt is a hermit who lives way out in the desert," Shane said. "He's been around since before I was born I think."  
  
Edge Detoo began beeping again and Christianpio listened. "What did he say?"  
  
"He says he may be able to show the rest of the message if you take off his restraining turnbuckle," Christianpio said.  
  
Shane leaned over and knocked the small metal turnbuckle off of the unit and the beam of light disappeared. "Hey!" Shane exclaimed.  
  
The unit beeped and Christianpio said, "You little reekazoid, Shane is your master now!"  
  
"What?" Shane asked.  
  
"He says that the recording has disappeared from his memory banks," Christianpio said.  
  
"Damn," Shane said. "Well, I've got to go to dinner. I'll deal with you two later."  
  
"You must play that message for Master Shane," Christianpio said to Edge Detoo. Edge beeped at Christianpio. "No, I don't think he likes you."  
  
Edge Detoo emitted another series of beeps. "I don't like you either."  
  
Edge let out a sad beep. 


End file.
